Roommate Horse Guest Post

You mayhaps rememmer that I, Roxie, allowd Roommate Horse to do a guest post on MY Roxie blog a wile back.

It was a verry stoopid post.

She has reequested, with hoofs, to do an other one.

You may rest ashured that this one will ALSO be stoopid.

~~~

Hello again! It has been a while. I'd like to catch you all up on my doings, as I know you are all interested.

I went off for a while and lived with a woman who loved and cared about me, but didn't understand how best to make sure I stayed well-fed and healthy.

I used to be beautiful. 

I lost a bunch of weight and all of my muscles. My back swayed, and I felt old. It was very sad. 

I got rescued eventually though! But I was in fairly sorry shape. I had to wear a blanket so I could stay warm, and also so the neighbors wouldn't call Animal Control.

Ew.

I spent all year gaining my weight back. 

When I was healthy again, I got to start working out again. I stayed in the roun pen at first, but eventually I got to go on rides! Short ones at first, and then longer ones as I got stronger. I got my own special saddle to fit my poor old droopy back.

I eventually got shiny again. My back is still low, but I do horse yoga to raise and strengthen it.

I also get to wear all kinds of nice clothes. 

I am thinking of coming out of retirement. I move nicely and I'm too young to sit around and make plops all day.

Shame Face

Those of yous who know a Roxie knows that I is a Fashun Roxie. I beleeve in nice Horse Cloths and I also beleeve in pink saddul pads and in fancie pantsy brow bands with sparkels.

Heer is a fancie brow band.

Heer is an other one.

Heer is yet one more. 

You mayhaps be like "Hay Roxie, Why is you gagging in this last picshure?" And I will tell you this. 

This is due to Mom being Unfashun.

I suspose we is all embaressed by our moms in our life, but seriosly.

Sweet Trael Baby

Mom an me drags Sweet Baby along on a ride.

She is not nearly so braeve as a Trail Roxie.

Ther is a LOT of snorting, and som boltinng, and some dragging of her by me an Mom wen she is all "eep I is a beebee and I cannut go!"

But we gets it all done evenshully.  

MORE traels and animals

I feel that mah last Roxie blog abowt being onna trail and seeing animals was perhaps mis-leading.

Not all amimals is super scarey.

For instance. I loves seeing DEERS.

I is super good at spotting theese too. And these is bigger than stomp birds, and not scarey, and they ALWAYS runs from me.

There's one.

There is one night. Mom an me goes riding late. And we sees FORTY SEVVIN DEERS in like a hour or so.

This is wen deers is moving.

And som times we sees deers with big ol horns. Like so:

And mom is all "Let us pleese go chase these ones so i may jomp off you an capshure them and eat them." But I declines to do this.

Roxie show!

Mom takes me to a Roxie show. This is from in Septemmer, back wen things is still warms out.

The haul to the show taekes for EVER. But. We stops for car stuff, and for Roxie rests.

Oh and. One time, Mom stops, and I makes ROXIE PEE all over the place and it leeks out and floods!

THIS IS FUNNIE.

Horsey chuckkles. Ha ha. Roxie Pee.

Anyways. We finally gets to the show. It is hot and muggie and horruble in my stall. So we goes on lots of walks. This show place has a race track!

RACE ROXIE

SO FAT wait I meen SO FAST

Any ways. Then i does jomping!

Some highlights:

Ther is not much in the way of ribbins for this show, but Mom ashures me this is her fault--not a Roxie fault. 

There is this one at leest. On the trock floor. 

I liek pinks, so this is all good. I liek those Messican cookies too but Mom dosent often share these. 

The End.

Fenses an Roun Pen

So my new Roxie fenses is all done.

Metal!

 In addition to mah new fenses. Mom bilds a Roun Pen also. So i may go into this and do workings.

Some of this is fun stuff. Like I goes in here an we does ground workings. I plays with movin away from preshures, and stomping on my leed rope, and the Big Pink Socker Ball, an things like so.

Some of this is not-fun stuff. Like when I com in here and get side rains on, an I has to do Roxie works in them.

I haete flexing at a poll. >:(

I HAETE IT

Other horses comes in here for things also. Like Roommate Horse goes in heer to test out her new green sparkley Horse Footies.

And that sweet little baby horse goes here to learn how to ware Horse Boots and a baby bridle.

All babies make faces atta camera box.

She lerns to do ground works an to stomple her leed rope too. You cannut panick or go any wheres in this roun pen so this is a good place for all this.

Herd up-date

So. I would liek to up-date every one on the status of mah Roxie herd.

I is still here.

Roomate Horse and her weerd white spots is still here.

*ignore*

Sweetie Baby is still here.

Trixie goed off to live with a trael rider lady. 

Everyone is much happier. Trix loves her new lady, and us horses here is now much less kick-bitten. 

A big new horse arrives not long after Trixie leaves.

He is a bigger and oglier version of Roommate Horse. 

He is big and skinnie and has a bum leg. A steddy stream of horse helper hoomans comes to see him. He gets chiro pracking, and massahzjes. And all these vets and hoof people comes. Sometimes they look at him, sometimes they watch him move, som times they feel his bum leg and be all "mutter mutter" about it.

Finally one vet comes an he has a fancie mochine that sees thru your skins. He puts the seeing thing on Big Ogly and is all "Ooh, this isn't look good." And mom goes all sad about it.

I donut think his bum leg can get less bum. :(

He goed to a new veternary man yesserday. An he did not come back. And then Mom comes back and hugs me an is all sniffelly. I donot know what he did to make her be so sad.

Spur face

Wat are you doing, Mom?

Seriosly. You donut need to buckle on the big spurs for us to do jomping.

I is Un-Amused Roxie.

Traels and Animals

So wen we goes on Roxie Trael Rides, ther is often animal encounners.

This is OK for the most part becuz these amimals runs away from my Roxie greatness. Som times tho they does scaring of me anyway.

Like there is this one time that I on a trael, and things is ALL scarey! Ther is lots to be scared of onna trail on this day. An so every time we passes a tree stomp, I is all SNOOOOOORT at it.

snooooooooort

SNOOOOOOOORT

OH MAH HORSE GODS SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORT SNORT SNORT SNORT AND RUN AWAY KINDA

Mom is tired of this, natch. So she is all "You big baby" and ""Stomps is not scarey" and all this blah blah. 

Then we coms to an other stomp. An Mom is all "It is not scarey, i promise!" And I is all "really?"

And then the stomp MOVES.

IT 

MOVES. 

By which i meen. 

IT 

FLIES

INNA

AIR.

IT IS A BIG OGLY STOMP BIRD.

And the worse is, ther is bunches of baby stomp birds under her! So they is all runnding around like "PEEP PEEP EEP PEEP MOMMY" and Mom Ogly Bird is all "FLAPPY SQUAAWK BABIES OH NOOOOOOOOO" And I is all "MOM YOU LIAR YOU IS A BIG LIAR MOM AT ME I WILL HAETE YOU AS SOON AS I AM FINISHED JOMPING AROUND" and Mom is all "OH JEEBUS EFF WORD TURKLEY BLAH BLAH HUMAN SOUNDS"

Everything turns out OK. 

But just as a annowncement. Stomps move and they will flap at you. An also your Mom is not ever never to be trusted. 

Brannding

Ther has been som quesstions abowt mah Roxie butt brand stamp thing. So I will tell you about all this.

So the veternary man comes. I knows he is veternary and i DONUT trust him. He coms at my buttocksie with clippers an I is all "SNOOOOOORT GET AWAY I DONUT KNOW WHAT THOSE ARE" even tho I do in fact know whut those are. So Mom is all "OH MAH GAW YOU BIG BABY" and clippers a square in my bottum anyway. :(

Then I gets a shot and this is ALSO terble. Shots is so bad. They goes in your skin an is hurty and DANGEROS. I reesist but the man gives me a shot any ways. >:(

Then I gets so sleepy.

Then they has a big sillver can with a thingy in it. An they pull the big brass thingy (picsured up there) out of the can an presses it to my clippered spot! And the thingy is SO COLD. It hurts! I is all sleepy but still I is like "I MUST PROTEST SERIOSLY" so I dances away! But they comes back an puts the cold thingy back on me!

Then it is all done but it still hurts so bad! Furst, the thingy leaves this deesign on me. It is pressed into mah Roxie skin.

Ow.

I haete. I SNOOZY-haete.

Then i wakes up an I is all "UPSET!" an I tears arownd my passture with Trixie.

Play thru the pains!

Then after a little bit, this brannd swells up and gets all oozy an owwie!

Then it gets all gross and scabby!

Ew.

Evenshually it heels up an I grows white hairs there.

Mom tells me that this deesign means that I is in her herd an that no one may steel me. I is the only horse here who has one. Mom says I is the only horse worth keeping. :]

Overall tho. This is a holy unhappie experiense. I donut liek this an i also donut recommend that anyone does this to them selves.