So. Mom is trying to kill me, Roxie. I do not like this an I request a rescue from anyone who is willing to saeve me.
Heer is some exsamples of Mom trying to kill me:
1) Mom taeks me on a TRAEL RIDE. An TRAELS IS SCAREY AN WILL KILL ME. Traels is scarey every spring, until I goes out for a few tiemes an I rememmber that traels is no big deel. But Mom an me goes on a trael ride with Leeuh an her horse Fred-Black-Jack. An EVRY THING IS GONNA EET ME. I is all O_O the whole time. Heer is a artist rendishun:
Post scrip: Nothing eets me. But it CULD have happened.
2) Mom puts me in a new bit. It is my Roxie bit that I gets for Crimmis, it is a Kimmer Wick. Well. This Kimmer Wick is AWEFUL! I HAETES IT!!!!!!!!!!! Ther is a big MEEN chain unner my Roxie chin! An when Mom is all “flex at a poll” an I is all “no, I don't wanna, I is Roxie,” this chain BITES me an it is TERRUBBLE!!!!!! Mom is a MEEN MOM an I is going to die a Trajic Roxie Deth if I have to keep flexing at a poll! D:
3) One day, Mom is all “we is gonna jomp” an I is like, “yay! Jomping!” But then she is all, “Roxie you must jomp these barrels with NO stannerds” an I is like, “whut, no! I don't WANNA, I IS ROXIE!!” an then she SPANKS me! An jerks on my Roxie mouf! An I is all “nooooooooooooooooooo, barrels is too hard!” But Mom is like, “you MUST jomp this!” an finely I HAS to. :( An then I is a Good Gurl, an then i rememmber that jomping is fun. But still. This jomping with no stannerds is asking much too much of a Roxie. An I almost dyed, seriosly. Hard works maekes you die Roxie Deth.
I do not want a mom who kills me alla time. This maekes for a Sad Roxie.
Check it, it is beeyoutiful. 
Fashun is all about trendyness. 
So long, bloo sheet!
Ther is a ROXIE BEER. 