Sunday, April 29, 2012

How to Exercize a Hoomin

A draftie like ME has wrote an arrticle!
This is from Kronicle of a Horse:

How To Exercise Your Human

You can provide exercise for your Human by having a good roll in the mud before she arrives. Photo by Mari_art/

We’ve all been there before—the car rolls in the barnyard, and the weary nine-to-fiver tumbles out, stumbling to the barn for chores, looking like she’d rather be headed inside for a nap. Life gets busy, and we all have days, or even weeks where putting in the time gets difficult. The last thing you want to deal with after a busy afternoon of grazing is an energy-zapped, loquacious Human.

Fortunately, I have made a study of finding creative ways to exercise your Human in between the grazing dates, the dust baths and meditations on the meaning of life.

Work Smarter, Not Harder

The last thing you want to do when designing an exercise program for your Human is to find yourself exhausted at the end of the day while he’s chomping on yet another Snickers bar. I find, as a Professional Draft Cross, that some of my light-hooved cohorts are prone to letting their frustration over their Human’s unhealthy habits get to them.

Remember, if at any point during the exercise you are breathing heavily enough that you can’t easily chew and swallow the grass blades you swiped while your Human was getting the longe line untangled, then you’re doing it wrong.

Do Your Homework

Let’s face it—it’s tempting to run wild circles when the Human comes to catch you, just to get that fat butt of his moving. (Seriously—would it kill him to take a nice alfalfa salad to the office once in a while?) But going straight into high-intensity work is a great way to make him cramp up and whine for the rest of the afternoon.

Instead, try to prepare a warm-up for your Human several hours before she arrives. Have a good roll in the mud and make sure you get lumps in unexpected places. Be sure to do this early so it has a chance to really harden by the afternoon. Inside the hind legs, behind the ears, and inside any feathers you may have provide a great range of locations to get her stretching and grunting first thing. Also, try spicing up the old “ditch the halter” routine by hiding it in a clump of weeds near the gate—the last place she’ll look after a few laps around your field. More advanced readers should consider separating multiple articles of turnout apparel for a cardio warm-up.

Never Underestimate The Power Of Poop

Get in touch with your spiritual side! Feng shui can be a really great addition to your existential philosophy and your workout program. Rearrange elements of your stall as you feel necessary. If you feel moved to let your Human know the water bucket is in the wrong spot, poop in it. Either she’ll learn to lug the dead weight to the back of the stall where it belongs, or she’ll burn some calories scrubbing it out every day. This rule can really be applied to any object you feel is improperly placed. Don’t like that ugly Unjolly Ball? Poop on it. Is that third-cutting hay not bringing enough positive energy to your palate? Poop on it.

Never underestimate the power of poop.

Get. Everything. Dirty.

The more scrubbing and buffing your Human has to do to your tack, the better. If the Human makes you work on a dry, windy day, be sure to actually move occasionally so you can kick some dust up onto the saddle. If your Human is simple enough to ride you in plain tack, make sure he adds to your ensemble. Flex your shoulders to make the saddle move around so the Human has to employ new pads/straps/superglue to keep it in place. Start opening your mouth in situations that don’t call for it so she will buy and clean extra nosebands, bits, martingales and other junk to fix problems you don’t have. The stress of spending all that money might make her drop a few pounds, as well.

If you’re really feeling gutsy, take advantage of your Human’s wimpy “water break” to have a good roll—while fully tacked.

Do What You Can

At the end of the day, as trite as it sounds, you only do what you can in helping your Human reach the weight loss goal you’ve set for her. You can’t control her tendency to “veg out” in front of “Real Housewives” with a bag of Doritos while you’re vegging on some low-fat bluegrass. But what you can do is be sure she makes up for it when she comes to visit you.

Jitterbug is a Michigan-bred Professional Draft Cross who skillfully avoided saddles until age 5. Since then, she has been lauded for her talent in successfully managing humans while training herself to one day achieve eventing greatness. Jitter and her human live in central Kentucky. Photo by Dark Horse Photography.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

MORE picsures of xc

Mom puts me inna Roxie trailer an takes me to a Deep Creek place.  It is not as far to go as the Toolip Spring place.

There is ALL KIND of things to JOMP here!

Mom's sister, Tiny Marrissa, coms too.  She takes me to find grasses. :)

She also takes picsures of us doing fense jomping.

I goes in watters.

An I jomps DITCHES.

An I gallups SO FAST that i blurs the picsure!

I even whips my tail when Mom asks me to gallup as fast as a Roxie can go.  

(editor's note: 16 mph is not as fast as a Roxie can go) 

And I gets lots of patted and called "good gurl" for being a Best Roxie.

Q: What is bettur than pink Roxie bell boots?
A: Nothing. 

^^ I is looking SO HARD for another fense to jomp!

Then we is all done!!  I goes back to my trailur.  There is these guys near my Roxie trailer who has tents an horses and boom-guns an a CANNON.  This cannon is so loud.  
I donot know what this all is abowt.  Mom seems to.  An Marissa evun has a suggestion that we might go participate in som manner which might cause consternaytion among these peeoples. 

Heer is me at my trailur.  I gets sponged off with watters an now I wants Roxie treets.  

Give me Roxie treets alreddy.

I does get Roxie treets so this is good.  Wen you is a good Roxie, you always get treets.

Friday, April 20, 2012

Fine Lether Roxie Goods

Thanks to this laydee, I is now propperly outfitted for Roxie XC.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

I is a X C Roxie! Again

So Mom coms an puts me in Roxie trailur one day. An we drives for a wile, an then we gets Meegan an Jasper! Jasper goes in my trailur too. He does not interfeer with Roxie Hay Net tho so I allow this.

Heer is me waiting for Jassper to get in alreddy.
Mom sez I is making Llama Face like in som movie.
So any ways. Mom puts Roxie foods in her trock an we drive for EVER. For like 4 hours.

Picshured: Roxie Foods

Then we stop, an Jasper and I comes out of the Roxie trailer in to a Toolip Spring place.

There is LOTS of jomps here! And a man who tells the peeple and the horses whut to go do.

He tells som horses to go jomp BIG fenses. And they DO!

He is a verry nice man. He tells Mom that he will taeke me home with him except that my Roxie size will not fit in his sute case.
Mom an me and Jasper and Jasper's mom Meegan all get our things on an goes to jomp fenses.
Heer is som videos:

Trot warm up with bonus Jasper appearance

I is VERRY EXCITED to see all the grasses and all the jomps! I is a DEMON ROXIE who wants to RUN FAST and JOMP HIGH!
Heer is this, capshured in pix:

Mom: We is coming in too HOT!
Me: Mom, I got this.


Mom: Oh nooooooooooooooo!!!
Me: Pssht. Roxies TAKE CHARGE!

Heer is som more picsures.

I is flying!

Then we is done! Mom an Meegan takes off our sadduls an gives us water an hay an treets. Jasper and me get tucked into paddocks next to eech other, an we goes to sleep.

The next day, Mom an Meegan gets us all dressed for xc jomping.

I is Roxie smiling. :)

Then we goes and does xc jomps!


Heer is me not doing so good getting UP a up-bank. All the peeples an there horses laffed at me.

Then we goes back to paddocks, an got to drink watters and rest. Then we gettded in the trailer and drived home.
The End.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Skooling Show!

Mom an me goed to a Skooling Show!

I jomp FENSES, an I win RIBBINS. Meegan an a JASPER is there too! They ALSO win ribbins! Lookit:

I gets red an white ribbins cuz these combine to maeke PINK. An Pink is a Roxie color an is the best color thing.

This show is a fun show. There is lots of horses heer, an lots of weerd fenses to look at. Mom's Matt comes to watch, even.

Heer is a brief video of me doing Roxie jomping! And heer is an other video that is somwhat more embaressing as I donot get a single correckt Roxie lead.

Mom goes thru thees videos an pics about 5 seconds whare I look good. Here these are for you to look at:

An then, wen the show is ended, I goed in a Roxie trailur to go home. I is all riding in my trailur an then there is a loud BANG an Mom is like
slow a trailur down alreddy
an pull it off the rode on to bumpie ground.

I donot know why she chooses to do this.

Although you may know what this meens.

Then we hangs out for a while onna side of a rode, just relaxcing.

Some peoples com to my trailur, an they fiddels around with a thing on the out side of it, an then they leave, an we get going again.

An then I is back at my Roxie horse house, and I gets leg rapped with limament, and I eets ALL the carrots! This is the best part of the hole day. :)